Today was the MLB non-waiver trade deadline. And of course, the first place Braves just had to make a move. They couldn't stand pat. No. All of the guys who got them into first place to begin with just weren't good enough. Fuck no. We need to make moves. Everyone else is making moves, we need to as well.
Let's fall back a moment... I was pretty quiet about the whole Yunel Escobar thing. Forget that we traded the best defensive shortstop in baseball. Forget that we traded a young guy who's only getting better. Forget that we trade the A.L. player of the week who's made the Highlight of the Night four of the last seven games. In exchange we got an older, short, slightly overweight, light hitting shortstop nicknamed SeaBass. But Canuck, don't forget about the pitcher! We also got a pitcher who has a 12:1 strikeout to walk ratio. He averages two strikeouts per inning! He's the real key in the Escobar deal!
Fast forward to today. We just traded that wonder pitcher. To Kansas City. For Kyle Fucking Farnsworth. So to summarize, we trade away Yunel for a light hitting over weight motherfucker named SeaBass and Kyle Fucking Farnsworth. But Bobby didn't like Yunel. And Bobby is God, Governor, Mayor, and Grand High Inquisitor in Atlanta. So Yunel is gone.
The rest of the trade? Glad you asked. Atlanta has the best bullpen in baseball. So we traded away one of them. Jesse Chavez. Makes sense. He was pitching too well anyway. And why not get rid of our centerfielder as well. Gregor Blanco. We don't need him anyway. Our centerfielder of the future is in AA rehabbing a year long wrist injury. Our centerfielder we traded for last year from the Pirates, All Star Nate McLouth, has been demoted to AAA because he forgot what end of the bat to hold. So we only one centerfielder left. And he's now in Kansas City.
Who'd we get for him? Rick Ankiel. The pitcher who can't pitch. The pitcher who can't play centerfield either. So who's going to play CF?
Surely they don't expect.... oh. Fuck no. Not Fat Bastard.
Melky Fat Bastard Cabrerra. He couldn't hit last year playing for the Yankees. And if you can't hit in Yankee Stadium, you can't hit anywhere. And he isn't. And he's Fat. Capital F. The other day going from 1st to 3rd, a combination of his fat and the circus tent he wears instead of a proper fitting uniform, got hung up in the wind rounding 2nd and he was tagged out without even a slide.
Bobby CAN'T be considering him for CF, can he????
And where the hell is Ankiel supposed to play? The Braves two best hitters play in RF (Jason Heyward) and LF (Matty Diaz)
We don't do the DH thing in the N.L. So one of our two best hitters is going to sit to let a pitcher play the outfield????Sweet Jesus.